“…she stopped paying close attention to his words and when at red lights, examined the rain drops spattering on the windshield so intently that she almost stared right through them. Each drop seemed stuck on the glass, until another drop landed on it and they rolled down the window together, ending in a climactic splash.”
Sara: English major/Gender and Sexuality Studies minor, working at a nonprofit that gets young women ready for and interested in running for office/maybe soon applying to grad school, writer, clarinetist.
I post and reblog: things I think are pretty, things that intrigue me, things I'm a fan of, and things I care about.
Common themes include: books, writing, movies, more books, cozy beds, breakfasts, Doctor Who, Sherlock, feminist issues, and occasional pieces of my life.
We’ve got some shareable graphics in response to last week’s SCOTUS buffer zone ruling. Share away!
President Obama came down hard on gun-control laws during today’s Tumblr Q&A.
The problems we have with society not believing men can be raped or that they can’t be the victim of domestic abuse are caused by the exact same misogyny that causes frighteningly frequent sexual violence against women. The root of these problems is the same.
Some people look at those statistics about female-on-male domestic abuse going unreported and say “men are disenfranchised, they need more rights.” But considering how much power men have in this society, that’s borderline delusional. My response is: “Society is unequal, we need more equality.”
As for people who say that all men are rapists, I mean, there are lots of people who say lots of weird things. Dismissing a perspective because some people who hold it are wrong about something is a pretty easy way to dismiss every perspective ever.
EDIT - Also it occurs to me that maybe you’re misinterpreting something. Is it possible that the people you’ve heard say “all men are rapists” are in fact saying “I am afraid for my safety and so I have to consider that all men are potential rapists.” That’s a very different thing, and should be considered by you (who has never seen the world from that person’s perspective) as valid and important.
Yes but enough men that every girl is terrified of smiling to that guy on the bus or talking with the boy in the coffee shop. Every girl has been walking late at night at one point and been afraid of who might be following her. Every girl has referred to someone as a “creep” and every girl has refused a drink from someone she doesn’t know.
Not all men.
But enough men that all women are now afraid of most men.
It’s gotten so bad that we have to be afraid of even telling you we are afraid. We can’t ask that you please stop talking to us. Because if we do we run the risk of being labeled a “stuck up bitch” and blamed for murders and rapes in which we are the victims.
So we speak to you with body language that we hope you’ll understand. We cross our legs and look out the window and wear giant headphones that are giant signs that subtly read “DON’T TALK TO ME!” But you insist on ignoring those signs because you have it in your head that our body language doesn’t mean anything. That our bodies aren’t our bodies.
Not all men.
You can start fucking saying that when all women can stop being afraid. But that’s not gonna happen if every man a women opens up to about this issue dismisses her by saying “Not all men.”
unofficial letter to the skeezball at work all men.
So I’ve heard a few guys who I’m trying not to judge too harshly say “I love women, I treat them with respect. Why do I have to bear the sins of my brethren.” This post is directed toward them:
- You are not being asked to bear the sins of anyone. No one is saying you are a rapist. People are saying that there /are/ rapists, and there are reasons for that and we should work to decrease the amount of sexual assaults. Is that your responsibility? I mean, I dunno, I guess if you’d rather spend your time doing something else that’s fine. But, like, don’t be surprised if someone asks you to do things or act in a way that will decrease sexual violence because that’s something you also want.
- Whether or not I have entirely embodied equality and mutual respect with women in my life, society as a whole has not. There are people who believe that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. There are people who believe that women exist to be pretty. There are people who believe that they deserve sex in return for being nice. Men do hold the vast majority of positions of power in America. All women deal with misogyny. All women deal with sexual assault. This is a societal problem that needs a societal solution.
Not all men are rapists, but all men /are/ privileged. The fact that women must be constantly wary of sexual violence while men don’t should be enough for us all to accept that.
So, do those of us with this privilege choose to use that power we have to maintain our power? Or do we use it to decrease the amount of violence and increase the amount of equality? That’s really the question.
And for some people who are still disenfranchised or insecure despite this one source of privilege (quite possibly because they have other factors that society is prejudiced against that made life difficult for them), yeah, that can be a hard thing to do. But it is not the /wrong/ thing to do…you can’t say that.
#YesAllWomen is trending on Twitter right now.
This is very important.
Right now, men just need to shut up, read these and learn. We HAVE to do better.
First of all, fuck you. It’s always been like, you know, an irritating thing that you’d attempted to co-opt the language of feminism and other civil rights struggles to cloak your sexist ideas in bullshit like “Men’s Rights” and calling this sexist garbage “activism.” And for a long time, I think a lot of people like me were down with ignoring this shit because it was juvenile and stupid, but also because it seemed like this tactic was clearly the same as racists whining about why there isn’t White History Month, or homophobes trying to have a Straight Pride Parade, something that anyone with half a brain could see is transparently a way to prop up the bigotry of people who already control the balance of power in this world.
But this Elliot Rodger mess brings up a way that this type of shit can affect people. Because, when you co-opt the rhetoric of revolution and struggle, it’s more than just “trolling” or some bullshit to make, you know, actual decent people angry. It’s language that can make a disturbed person think that defending bigotry is a legitimate struggle, that, in Rodger’s case, that owning and subjugating women is a cause worth killing and dying for. Because that’s what those words mean, you fucking garbage assholes, those words are for people who struggle from real oppression, to inspire people to sacrifice and never give up. The fact that straight white men have taken these words to rally around calcifying the bigotry that’s slipping from their fingers is truly disgusting, and now it’s more clear that it has fucking consequences.
Fuck you, you pieces of shit, fuck you.
And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a lot of our stories revolve around broken straight white men who do fucked up things and we constantly excuse them because of tragic back stories, and so in real life, we are always looking for the tragic backstory.
The fact that this kid can do something like this, the fact that women aged 15-44 are more at risk from rape and domestic violence than from cancer, car accidents, war and malaria, according to World Bank data?
Up to 70 percent of women experience violence in their lifetime, according to studies conducted by the UN?
2,753 people were killed on 9/11 but every year 1.9 million women are physically assaulted in some way.
That’s fucking terrorism.
Friendzone ideology isn’t attacked because “nice guys” are comical or because fedoras make a funny meme, it’s because this logic is literally dangerous. This logic of “gentleman = deserving sex” breeds hatred of women, and brutal violence against women, and if a 22 year old self-proclaimed “supreme gentleman” murdering 7 in a campus shooting spree because of sexual rejection doesn’t drive that home, I don’t know what else would.
This shit is terrifying.
It’s a testament to “Veronica Mars” that the movie isn’t just an exercise in fan service and nostalgia for a television show long gone. Instead, it’s a sad, sharp statement on what happens when income inequality, police misconduct and racism compound each other, and how hard it is to win even limited change. (x)
If owning a gun and knowing how to use it worked, the military would be the safest place for a woman. It’s not.
If women covering up their bodies worked, Afghanistan would have a lower rate of sexual assault than Polynesia. It doesn’t.
If not drinking alcohol worked, children would not be raped. They are.
If your advice to a woman to avoid rape is to be the most modestly dressed, soberest and first to go home, you may as well add “so the rapist will choose someone else”.
If your response to hearing a woman has been raped is “she didn’t have to go to that bar/nightclub/party” you are saying that you want bars, nightclubs and parties to have no women in them. Unless you want the women to show up, but wear kaftans and drink orange juice. Good luck selling either of those options to your friends." — A Short Post on Rape Prevention (via maliks-butt)