Wallpaper adapted from here.

"A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed." —

Mary Dickson

[CW: discussion of rape culture and violence]

This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them. 

I think that says a lot. 

(via kaitg)

Its interesting also that these fears sit subconsciously until woman are asked to exams their responses to men. We women will operate with this fear in mind, the way we protect ourselves, make sure our friends know where we are when we go on a date, words that we use while interacting with men, all in hopes they will not kill us, but simultaneously love us. 

I think bell hooks made a point about this in her series on love. Something along the lines of how can women hope to love and receive love from men when at the foundation of our relationships there is this strong fear of men. You can’t build true trust when your foundation is crumbling under you. 

The scariest part is, once you recognize this fear, and face it, how do you address it when there is evidence of “good” men abusing, hurting, and killing women everyday?

(via becomingchichi)

I was in my early 20’s when one of my homegirls broke this down for me.  

I was in a broken relationship, and one of the things was that bugged me at the time was that the girlfriend at the time would freak out whenever I got angry - I never yelled, never throw or hit things, mostly, I just needed some time to cool out.

“Why does she get scared when I’m angry? I’d never hit her!”

“But she doesn’t KNOW that.  She can’t assume that.  Look at how many dudes are out there pulling shit.”

And that stuck with me for a hot minute.  The relationship was broken on so many levels anyway, but that fact still remains, as a man, I can’t fault women for assuming the worst in order to protect themselves, especially how the world’s patriarchy and misogyny rolls.

(via bankuei)

I’ve had continual discussions with Tchy about this, and I don’t expect to stop. It’s fair to say that there’s no one in the world that I trust more, and he has been extremely careful with me, but… the fact remains that he leans quite a bit towards the masculine, and this means that that fear is always there. The news of transmasculine folks abusing/raping people doesn’t help that fear any. :(

I’m learning not to apologize for it. It’s not my fault (nor, really, is it his) that I’m scared of dude-type people. But it’s always there. Which is another reason why I get so pissed off when trans men try to make transmisogyny about them.

(via kiriamaya)

This is an incredible thread of responses. I’ve seen this quote before, but not the dialogue that built up around it. The part about loud=violent hits home particularly hard for me. I am terrified of getting into irl arguments with men, especially when they get loud. It’s always going to sit in the pit of my stomach.

(via mizbingley)

That part resonates for me too, although from a completely different angle. Despite being more terrified of sexual violence than I am of anything other than my own brain, I do not hesitate to yell, confront, get up in the face of, threaten, even hit men twice my size and many times my strength. Faced with a threat of violence from men, I will either imply or state “I dare you to.”

I also, as previously established on this blog, have a death wish.

To me, that encapsulates everything about the violence, especially sexual violence, coded into relationships between men and women in our society: for a woman to assert herself in the face of maleness may require the woman in question (such as me) to be perpetually suicidal.

(via 14kgoldnyc)

Reblogging for commentary. I have been frightened and scared by men being loud with me, even if I don’t think they’ll be violent. Like people have said above, it’s just a latent response in your brain to fear violence from men.

I went out to dinner with someone a couple of weeks ago (LONG story, was supposed to be a group dinner but it ended up just being me & a strange man) and I told him I blogged about feminism and politics, and he went off on me. He told me feelings were bullshit and women just wanted special privileges, and then he said, “Women don’t give men enough credit for not being violent psychopaths. That’s what we are, deep down. We want to rape and pillage, and we don’t, and women don’t give us enough credit for that.” I burst into tears. That shit was terrifying.

(via stfuconservatives)

I too am reblogging this for the amazing commentary. 

When supposed feminist ally men deny this very basic, simple truth - that’s how you know they are an ally to no one.

This all gets taught to women at a very young age, how dangerous the world is when you’re in it being a woman. I’ve been struggling to write about something that happened with my daughter a few weeks ago, how to form the words, but this is possibly the best context.

We were in the wine shop, in line to pay, and she was so excited to get her lollipop (in the time honored tradition of wine stores everywhere). A man two people ahead of us started fighting with the woman behind the counter about how much money he’d given her. As I was moving her behind my body, my daughter froze, and when I say froze, I mean wasn’t moving a muscle except to shake.

It sorted itself out pretty quickly. We paid and left.

Once we got back into the car, she started crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she said, “Mama, I was so scared. When men get angry they shoot people.”

That’s a direct quote. When men get angry, they shoot people.

I asked her, “Baby, why do you think that?” She replied, “on NPR, that’s what happens. When men get really mad they kill people. That guy was really mad, what if he had a gun? What would you do?”

The talk we had afterwards was difficult; no one said parenting was easy. But this is the life we live as women. If my 9 year old understands it, then men of the world, alleged feminist allies, Nice Guys, random douches on the street, and even actual non-dangerous men: so can you.

(via someauthorgirl)

I’ve reblogged this quote before, I think. But reblogging now for the amazing commentary.

I was having a discussion with my father and brother the other day. We were talking about receiving threats of rape or violence via the internet. Their whole argument was “just ignore it and walk away from your computer”. Amazing solution. Can’t believe I never thought of that. It’s so clever because we all know that when you leave your keyboard the threat of violence disappears. 

Urgh. 

(via lavenderlabia)

(Source: alullaby, via stfusexists)

"Gender violence is one of the world’s most common human rights abuses. Women worldwide ages 15 through 44 are more likely to die or be maimed because of male violence than because of cancer, malaria, war, and traffic accidents combined." — Nicholas Kristof in The New York Times (via lesilencieux)

(Source: dear-misandrist, via thisisrapeculture)

Ah, let’s blame single mothers and their loose ways for gun violence. 

I just can’t, with slut-shaming, the vilifying of people—many of whom make things work by taking advantage of the kinds of programs I’m pretty sure Romney would gut/eliminate—who do the best they can, with or without help from other family and friends. 

And why does he think that married heterosexual couples necessarily do such a great job, anyway? NEWSFLASH: screw-ups and abusers who should never be parents sometimes get married and have kids! SHOCKER.

"A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed." —

http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/articles/nightmare.html (via alullaby)

That sums it up

[trigger warning for the commentary below]

(via erikawithac)

This reminds me of a discussion we had in school, and one girl was talking about living in fear of her safety because she is a girl, and this guy chimed in and was all “It’s hard for guys too! I’m so awkward around girls! It’s embarrassing!” Yeah, not the same thing, exactly?

(via tulletulle)

Wow.

(via kittencoaster)

This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them. 

I think that says a lot. 

(via kaitg)

Its interesting also that these fears sit subconsciously until woman are asked to exams their responses to men. We women will operate with this fear in mind, the way we protect ourselves, make sure our friends know where we are when we go on a date, words that we use while interacting with men, all in hopes they will not kill us, but simultaneously love us. 

I think bell hooks made a point about this in her series on love. something along the lines of how can women hope to love and receive love from men when at the foundation of our relationships there is this strong fear of men. you can’t build true trust when your foundation is crumbling under you. 

the scariest part is, once you recognize this fear, and face it, how do you address it when there is evidence of “good” men abusing, hurting, and killing women everyday?

(via becomingchichi)

I was in my early 20’s when one of my homegirls broke this down for me.  

I was in a broken relationship, and one of the things was that bugged me at the time was that the girlfriend at the time would freak out whenever I got angry - I never yelled, never throw or hit things, mostly, I just needed some time to cool out.

“Why does she get scared when I’m angry? I’d never hit her!”

“But she doesn’t KNOW that.  She can’t assume that.  Look at how many dudes are out there pulling shit.”

And that stuck with me for a hot minute.  The relationship was broken on so many levels anyway, but that fact still remains, as a man, I can’t fault women for assuming the worst in order to protect themselves, especially how the world’s patriarchy and misogyny rolls.

(via bankuei)

My brain knows that my husband won’t hit me. Really, the logical part of me totally gets that. But when we’re arguing he has to stay on the other side of the room & not yell too loud because my fight or flight instincts have 25+ years of being hard wired that loud = violent & our 11 year relationship isn’t long enough to undo that.

(via karnythia)

I’ve had continual discussions with Tchy about this, and I don’t expect to stop. It’s fair to say that there’s no one in the world that I trust more, and he has been extremely careful with me, but… the fact remains that he leans quite a bit towards the masculine, and this means that that fear is always there. The news of transmasculine folks abusing/raping people doesn’t help that fear any. :(

I’m learning not to apologize for it. It’s not my fault (nor, really, is it his) that I’m scared of dude-type people. But it’s always there. Which is another reason why I get so pissed off when trans men try to make transmisogyny about them.

(via kiriamaya)

men, read all of this please. including the commentary. esp if you consider yourself a Nice Guy.

(via static-nonsense)

This is an incredible thread of responses. I’ve seen this quote before, but not the dialogue that built up around it. The part about loud=violent hits home particularly hard for me.  I am terrified of getting into irl arguments with men, especially when they get loud. It’s always going to sit in the pit of my stomach.

(via mizbingley)

That part resonates for me too, although from a completely different angle. Despite being more terrified of sexual violence than I am of anything other than my own brain, I do not hesitate to yell, confront, get up in the face of, threaten, even hit men twice my size and many times my strength. Faced with a threat of violence from men, I will either imply or state “I dare you to.”

I also, as previously established on this blog, have a death wish.

To me, that encapsulates everything about the violence, especially sexual violence, coded into relationships between men and women in our society: for a woman to assert herself in the face of maleness may require the woman in question (such as me) to be perpetually suicidal.

(via 14kgoldnyc)

Reblogging for commentary. I have been frightened and scared by men being loud with me, even if I don’t think they’ll be violent. Like people have said above, it’s just a latent response in your brain to fear violence from men.

I went out to dinner with someone a couple of weeks ago (LONG story, was supposed to be a group dinner but it ended up just being me & a strange man) and I told him I blogged about feminism and politics, and he went off on me. He told me feelings were bullshit and women just wanted special privileges, and then he said, “Women don’t give men enough credit for not  being violent psychopaths. That’s what we are, deep down. We want to rape and pillage, and we don’t, and women don’t give us enough credit for that.” I burst into tears. That shit was terrifying.

(via stfuconservatives)

YES, all of this. 

Personally, this stuff only exacerbates my natural shyness and what I can only describe as a (usually) fairly functional degree of social anxiety, although that is my own understanding, not an actual diagnosis. Because around half of the world is that much scarier than I already find them.

(via stfuconservatives)

"I heard a very loud explosion, and minutes later I saw mothers crying." —

At least six Somali children have died after picking up explosives in their school playground, a local official has told the BBC. (via newsflick)

BUT, BUT—why were there explosives in their school playground? Even though there’s been conflict in that country, WHO PUTS EXPLOSIVES IN PLAYGROUNDS?

(Source: newsflick, via upworthy)

motherjones:

When a white supremacist goes on a killing spree, it’s just another tragic inevitable consequence of living in an imperfect world. When a Muslim does the same thing, we actually expect the government to do something about it.

Right-wing terrorism has been on the rise in America, but the Department of Homeland Security doesn’t seem concerned.

"A woman’s worst nightmare? That’s pretty easy. Novelist Margaret Atwood writes that when she asked a male friend why men feel threatened by women, he answered, “They are afraid women will laugh at them.” When she asked a group of women why they feel threatened by men, they said, “We’re afraid of being killed." —

http://www.pbs.org/kued/nosafeplace/articles/nightmare.html (via alullaby)

That sums it up

(via erikawithac)

This reminds me of a discussion we had in school, and one girl was talking about living in fear of her safety because she is a girl, and this guy chimed in and was all “It’s hard for guys too! I’m so awkward around girls! It’s embarrassing!” Yeah, not the same thing, exactly?

(via tulletulle)

Wow.

(via kittencoaster)

This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them. 

I think that says a lot. 

(via kaitg)

This is a pretty classic privilege dynamic I think, and one that we as a society tend to downplay in order to give the privileged even more volume.

Men are afraid women will laugh at them or won’t have sex with them, women are afraid men will kill them.

Rich people are upset that everyone else is calling them “greedy” instead of “job creators”, everyone else is upset that they can’t afford health care.

White people are afraid of being called racist by people of color, people of color are afraid of being killed by white people (especially white people in positions of authority, like police).

Straight people are afraid of having their “marriages ruined” by other people getting married, queer people are afraid of being beaten to death.

Cis people are afraid of having to share a bathroom with someone different than they are, trans people are afraid of being murdered.

This is really just a perfect X, Y statement to sum up the most basic tenet of privilege: if you are privileged, the majority of the time you don’t fear for your basic survival.

(via stfusexists)

(via stfusexists)

"Every country has, along with its core civilities and traditions, some kind of inner madness, a belief so irrational that even death and destruction cannot alter it. In Europe not long ago it was the belief that “honor” of the nation was so important that any insult to it had to be avenged by millions of lives. In America, it has been, for so long now, the belief that guns designed to kill people indifferently and in great numbers can be widely available and not have it end with people being killed, indifferently and in great numbers. The argument has gotten dully repetitive: How does one argue with someone convinced that the routine massacre of our children is the price we must pay for our freedom to have guns, or rather to have guns that make us feel free?" — The Aurora Movie Theatre Shooting and American Gun Culture | The New Yorker (via ratsoff)

(via neil-gaiman)

Cop Kicks Pregnant Woman In Stomach, Dept. Says He Was Within Policy 

stfuconservatives:

TW for police brutality — it makes me sick how often I have to write that.

ladyatheist:

abaldwin360:

Just when you thought the police ran out of ways to disgust you.

Dekalb County police officer Jerad Wheeler was called to a home to settle a domestic dispute involving a pregnant woman named Raven Dozier, her brother and his child and baby’s mother.

As things escalated Wheeler pulled out his taser and used it on Dozier’s brother. She says that’s when she started crying and asking the officer why he used a taser on her brother.

Wheeler must not have been in a talking mood because after he used the taser on him, he then kicked Dozier in the stomach.

“I think he really just didn’t want me asking him any questions, questioning him, and when I did question him is when he kicked me,” she tells Atlanta’s Channel 2 Action News. ”I was upset because I couldn’t believe an officer would kick me, with my child in my stomach.”

keep reading

I’ll give you two guesses as to what color the cop is and what color the victim is. I’ll even give you a hint. Your first instinct is probably right.

Are you fucking kidding me.

(via stfuconservatives)

"[W]e shall not have any coarse [sic] but armed revolution should we fail with the power of the vote in November,” it states. “This Republic cannot survive for 4 more years underneath this political socialist ideologue." —

Virginia GOP is calling for armed revolt if Obama is re-elected (PDF)

Remember what I was just saying about the GOP being detached from reality? 

Compare their reasons for an armed revolt with what the actual economic/government spending numbers from Obama’s administration I posted earlier.

(via abaldwin360)

Can we just be like “THIS IS TREASON” and be done with them?

(via sageoflogic)

GODDAMMIT VIRGINIA, STOP

(via goblinhoarder)

So, this is scary and bad…and totally not the Virginia GOP…it’s from just one county in Virginia.

As a Virginian, I am frustrated by and feel attacked by the policies of Virginia Republicans, but to label this as “Virginia GOP” is incredibly misleading and sensationalist.

(via pipilottirist)

thedailywhat:

Handcuffed Celebrity of the Day: George Clooney, his father Nick, congressman Jim Moran (D-VA), and NAACP President Ben Jealous were among several people arrested this morning at a protest outside the Sudanese Embassy in Washington.

The Associated Press reports that they were escorted to the back of a US Secret Service van.

Clooney has long been a vocal adversary of the government in Khartoum, which he accuses of perpetrating humanitarian crimes against its own people.

Earlier this week, Clooney spoke at a Congressional hearing, where he testified that “a campaign of murder” was taking place in Sudan, and warned of “a real humanitarian disaster” if something wasn’t done within the next few months. 

[wusa / cnn / photo: @selmatj.]

THAT IS MY REPRESENTATIVE, FUCK YEAH!

Finally, news about a Virginia politician that I can be proud of—you GO, Jim Moran!

"‎Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them." — Margaret Atwood (via cosmicnavel)

(Source: moonsmilk, via pipilottirist)

"‎Rape culture is a culture in which people who have survived a violent crime are asked to laugh about it because other people think it’s funny." — (i wish i could put this on a business card and hand it out to people who make rape jokes.  the flip side would say FUCK YOU) (via janedoe225)

(Source: goforthandagitate, via killthefez)

SO-PAthetic. 

• United States of America: Good news, guys, we took down Megaupload. Now everyone can rest easy!
• Health Care System: 
• Hand-gun Violence: 
• Unemployment: 
• Public Education: 
• Gay Marriage: 
• Marijuana Legislation: 
• Middle East Conflict: 
• World Hunger: 
• Cancer Research: 
• Ron Weasley: You really need to sort out your priorities.

"Oppressive language does more than represent violence; it is violence; does more than represent the limits of knowledge; it limits knowledge." — Toni Morrison, The Nobel Lecture in Literature  (via fox-power)

(Source: heisenbergsays, via stfuconservatives)