“…she stopped paying close attention to his words and when at red lights, examined the rain drops spattering on the windshield so intently that she almost stared right through them. Each drop seemed stuck on the glass, until another drop landed on it and they rolled down the window together, ending in a climactic splash.”
Sara: College class of 2012 (English major, Gender and Sexuality Studies minor), looking for work/applying to grad school, writer, clarinetist.
I post and reblog: things I think are pretty, things that intrigue me, things I'm a fan of, and things I care about.
Common themes include: books, writing, movies, more books, cozy beds, breakfasts, Doctor Who, Sherlock, feminist issues, and occasional pieces of my life.
Wallpaper adapted from here.
Humorously done but it brings up a very good point about the song. (And I like how the guys immediately reacted, “Wow, dude, that’s not okay.”)
Looks like the Washington Post is a little confused…maybe even more confused with the asshats that think that discrete instances* of trauma have the same TEENY TINY effect on pregnancy rates that prolonged periods of trauma do?
*Speaking, of course, about one-time attacks, not about repeated attacks that are prolonged periods of trauma.
This is so true. When I was raped the most terrifying thing was worrying what else he was capable of.
This needs to fucking stop. This is an absolute invasion of women, this is disgusting, and this Tumblr needs to go away.
Creepshots is a website for men to take “sexy” pictures of unsuspecting women, and from their ‘About Us’ section it states: “Creepshots are CANDID pictures. If a person is posing or aware that a picture is being taken, then it is no longer a creepshot.”
These men take pictures of women who are unaware and post them.
And then under their rules for getting the pictures removed? One of the two options is to “appreciate” the fact that some fucking gross man took a picture of you.
I’ve sent a report to tumblr and you should too.
To report a blog to tumblr, you need to email the full URL and name of the blog to tumblr.
Let’s get it taken down!
PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST
TAKE THEM DOWN!!!!!
Saw the video floating around so I gif’d it for anyone who doesn’t wanna actually watch it haha.
Oh goodie, you guys. We get to do the “no but for real, rape jokes aren’t funny and saying that doesn’t threaten your freedom of speech” runaround again. This time, Jezebel’s Lindy West is caught in the crossfire: she had the audacity to go on TV and say rape jokes aren’t funny, so naturally, the internet has responded by calling her names, threatening to rape her, and saying she’s too fat/ugly/lesbionic/man-hating to get raped.
I lost a lot of followers when I said Tosh shouldn’t have made a rape joke. And I’m prepared to lose followers over this issue again. Do. Not. Care. The facts are these:
- The comedy industry has a serious problem with representation by women.
- People in the comedy industry - Louis CK on The Daily Show, W. Kamau Bell on Totally Biased - think feminists are anti-comedy because we object to forcing rape survivors to laugh at their jokes.
- Somehow every fucking person in America becomes a Constitutional scholar when they get challenged on telling rape jokes. “What about my freedom of speech?” The First Amendment starts with “the government shall make no law…” which means that unless someone proposes a law against rape jokes you can go ahead and shut the fuck up.
Here’s the thing: There is no comedy slippery slope from saying “rape jokes aren’t OK” to there being NO MORE JOKES EVER AGAIN. We’re not saying don’t joke about murder or the Holocaust because you know what? Those things are taken seriously. Rape is not. Look at the rape statistics in the military, in America, in the world. Look at how rape is used as a tool of power against women. Look at how women are punished and demeaned with rape. Look at the dearth of resources for survivors. There are no museums to rape survivors. There are no monuments commemorating its victims. There are no walls with victims’ names carved in stone. Its victims are everywhere, and silenced, and taunted, and second-guessed, and dismissed. When people start telling the families of murder victims “but some people find the idea of murder sexy,” we’ll talk about murder jokes.
We don’t want you to joke about rape because joking is the only time you ever talk about rape. And it’s very, very rarely a joke about rape culture (which are allowed, even by us evil laughter-hating feminazis), and much more often a joke about someone you’d like to rape, or someone who deserves to get raped, or using “rape” as a funny verb because it’s a funny word to say. It usually triggers memories for people who went through a traumatic event and had no recourse against the person who perpetrated it or the society that all but encouraged it. Why would you do that on purpose? What’s funny or edgy about that? It’s lazy comedy.
So, again: stop joking about rape. Stop saying that feminists - who have almost zero representation at movie studios, TV executive boardrooms, comedy stand-up spots, and nighttime television - are threatening the comedy industry by saying a small percentage of the jokes are aggressively unfunny. Stop telling victims they have to laugh at your bad “jokes.” Just. Stop.
The continuing chronicles of how much I love Lindy West.
Lindy West (via lavenderlabia)
Whoa! Holly fuckin’!…
Dear Cannes Film Festival,
Roman Polanski is a child rapist.
I know I’ve written this exact same letter before, although last time it was to the British Film Institute. I’m sure you are bored of hearing this. I’m certainly finding writing this over and over and over again somewhat tedious but people seem to be struggling with this issue. Still.
So, for the record, Roman Polanski is a convicted child rapist who is also a fugitive from justice.
It doesn’t matter how many “good” films he makes, or how many stupid people make excuses for him because he’s an “artiste”, Roman Polanski will always be a convicted child rapist.
Roman Polanski gave a 13 year old a quaalude in champagne and then vaginally, orally and anally raped her.
I know Polanski has trouble understanding the fact that raping children is a despicable crime for which he should still be in prison. After all, there are no end of rape apologists telling him that it was completely okay for him to rape a child [see: the entire audience the night he won the Oscar for the Pianist].
There is a reason he’s blithering on about equality for women being a bad thing and the birth control pill “ruining romance”. Polanski does not want to take responsibility for the child he was convicted of raping nor does he want anyone to question the clearly illegal sexual relationship he had with Natassja Kinski when she was only 15 years old.
Every single person who pays to see Polanski’s films is supporting rape culture.
Every single actor who appears in a Polanski film is supporting rape culture.
Every single organisation that gives Polanski awards for his films is supporting rape culture.
Every single person who uses the word “historical” to refer to Polanski’s rape conviction is supporting rape culture.
Every journalist who does not mention Polanski’s conviction for rape is supporting rape culture.
Roman Polanski is a child rapist who fled from California because he did not want to go to prison.
Roman Polanski gave a 13 year old a quaalude in champagne and then vaginally, orally and anally raped her.
He should be in prison; not receiving awards at your Festival.
Louise Pennington" — Louise Pennington (via evilfeminist)
Know Your IX aims to educate every college student in the U.S. about his or her rights under Title IX by the start of the next academic term.
In 1972, Title IX of the Education Amendments prohibited sex-based discrimination in schools, guaranteeing students essential and extensive rights to freedom from sexual violence necessary for equal access to education. In 2011, Vice President Biden clarified the standards to which higher education institutions must adhere, including specific guidelines for addressing reports of sexual misconduct.
Yet too many colleges today are failing to fulfill their legal and ethical obligations. In the past year, sexual violence survivors have shared their experiences of administrative neglect, disregard, and abuse at institutions including Amherst College, the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill, Yale University, Occidental College, Northwestern University, and Rice University. Their experiences are not unique but representative of sexually hostile campus environments across the country.
We believe it is time for change. Let’s make next semester better than this one.
This post is kind of long, but IT IS WAY SHORTER THAN THE ORIGINAL ARTICLE! And even though I think the original article is so, SO worth reading in its entirety, I’m only putting forth the parts that especially stood out to me, and this shit is so. freaking. important.
Plus, I promise to break things up with awesome gifs, ok?
…Even just presuming we can talk about comedy gets women ripped to shreds by territorial dudes desperate to defend their authority over what’s funny. “Jokes” about rape and gendered violence are treated like an inevitability instead of a choice; like they’re beyond questioning; like they’re somehow equally sacred alongside women’s actual humanity and physical sanctity. When women complain,however civilly, they’re met with condescension, dismissal, and the tacit (or, often, explicit) message that this is not yours, you are not welcome here. It’s fucked up, you guys. And I’m saying that as a friend with the best intentions.
And I want to try and convey to you, broadly, how you are hurting women and hurting your own art form, and how easy it would be to stop. Because right now you’re coming across like a bunch of entitled babies terrified of a few girls in your clubhouse—demanding that women be thick-skinned about their own rapes while you’re too thin-skinned to handle even mild criticism. It’s embarrassing.
Molly Knefel has an impeccable piece in Salon today about the disparity between male comics’ reactions to rape and their reactions to other types of violence…Knefel, of course, is currently being lambasted by aggrieved male comedians. So aggrieved, you guys! Always so aggrieved! But why? What did she really say that’s so outrageous? That the oft-silenced victims of sexual assault and domestic violence (which includes men and boys, by the way) deserve as much respect and care as the victims of gun violence? If basic compassion is such anathema to you, but only when it comes to “women’s issues”—if you’re determined to go down with the Good Ship Rape—then you have issues with women. And that’s not women’s fault—it’s yours.
If you just don’t care, that’s fine—that’s your choice—but understand this: I know you think you’re being transgressive and edgy and bad-in-the-cool-way when you are careless with the trauma of strangers, but you’re not. You are being conservative. You are a conservative comedian. You are moving your art form backwards, you are a bully (a bully who has likely experienced bullying himself, which is the worst kind), and you are propping up the status quo in the most boring way possible. If that’s what you want, at least have the grace to own it.
But you do have to live with the consequences of what you say, and how your words color people’s perceptions of what kind of human being you are. If you do nothing but shower your audiences with hate and garbage, they’re going to start thinking of you as a hate and garbage machine.
Now. You can talk about controversial subjects—in fact, you should talk about controversial subjects, because comedy is an incredibly powerful subversive tool—but if you want people like me to stop bitching at you (a dream we share, I promise!), you need to stop using your comedy to make those things worse. You don’t have to make things better—you are under no obligation to save the world—but if you are actively making things worse for people, especially when you are not a member of the group whose existence you are worsening, don’t be surprised when people complain.
[listing common counterarguments]
3. But it’s just a joke. Calm down.
Yeah, dude, but this shit isn’t magic. It’s not a game. It’s not like you get to declare the comedy stage “base” and the rest of the world “hot lava” (spewing from the vaginas of feminazi gargoyles, I’m sure) and everything you say on the stage exists in some sacred loophole that’s exempt from criticism and the expectation of hard work. Rape, domestic violence, brutalization, marginalization, the struggle to make yourself heard—all of this shit is REAL to a lot of people. They’re not cute little thought experiments for you to mess around with without pushback. You can lie to yourself all you want, but if you say something awful to somebody in the course of your regular day, it is exactly the same as if you say it on stage. If anything, its emotional impact is magnified.
And anyway, anyone who says “but it’s just a joke” has never had their life profoundly changed by a joke.
7. Stop silencing me.
Please. You are not being silenced. There is no “thought police.” Your freedom of speech is firmly intact. You are a member of the single most powerful political bloc on earth. Your voices and your perspectives saturate nearly all media. You are fine. We are just having a conversation about your art, and your art is what you care about the most, right? Right?
I know I just wrote 8 trillion fucking words about it, but really, this whole mess is simple. You get to choose what kind of a person you want to be. Do you want to cause pain or release tension? Do you want to be careful or careless? Do you want to confront hard things or take easy outs? Do you want to connect with other human beings about the shared horrors of the world or do you want to feed into a culture that perpetuates those horrors? You can do whatever you want, but you can’t stop me and everyone else who hears you from telling you when you’re full of shit. Comedy isn’t yours. It’s ours.
[CW: discussion of rape culture and violence]
This reminds me of an article about online (heterosexual) dating that I read a while ago. It listed men’s and women’s worst fears about meeting someone from online. The highest ranked fear that men had was that their date would be fat, whereas the highest ranked fear that women had was that their date would turn out to be violent and kill them.
I think that says a lot.
Its interesting also that these fears sit subconsciously until woman are asked to exams their responses to men. We women will operate with this fear in mind, the way we protect ourselves, make sure our friends know where we are when we go on a date, words that we use while interacting with men, all in hopes they will not kill us, but simultaneously love us.
I think bell hooks made a point about this in her series on love. Something along the lines of how can women hope to love and receive love from men when at the foundation of our relationships there is this strong fear of men. You can’t build true trust when your foundation is crumbling under you.
The scariest part is, once you recognize this fear, and face it, how do you address it when there is evidence of “good” men abusing, hurting, and killing women everyday?
I was in my early 20’s when one of my homegirls broke this down for me.
I was in a broken relationship, and one of the things was that bugged me at the time was that the girlfriend at the time would freak out whenever I got angry - I never yelled, never throw or hit things, mostly, I just needed some time to cool out.
“Why does she get scared when I’m angry? I’d never hit her!”
“But she doesn’t KNOW that. She can’t assume that. Look at how many dudes are out there pulling shit.”
And that stuck with me for a hot minute. The relationship was broken on so many levels anyway, but that fact still remains, as a man, I can’t fault women for assuming the worst in order to protect themselves, especially how the world’s patriarchy and misogyny rolls.
I’ve had continual discussions with Tchy about this, and I don’t expect to stop. It’s fair to say that there’s no one in the world that I trust more, and he has been extremely careful with me, but… the fact remains that he leans quite a bit towards the masculine, and this means that that fear is always there. The news of transmasculine folks abusing/raping people doesn’t help that fear any. :(
I’m learning not to apologize for it. It’s not my fault (nor, really, is it his) that I’m scared of dude-type people. But it’s always there. Which is another reason why I get so pissed off when trans men try to make transmisogyny about them.
This is an incredible thread of responses. I’ve seen this quote before, but not the dialogue that built up around it. The part about loud=violent hits home particularly hard for me. I am terrified of getting into irl arguments with men, especially when they get loud. It’s always going to sit in the pit of my stomach.
That part resonates for me too, although from a completely different angle. Despite being more terrified of sexual violence than I am of anything other than my own brain, I do not hesitate to yell, confront, get up in the face of, threaten, even hit men twice my size and many times my strength. Faced with a threat of violence from men, I will either imply or state “I dare you to.”
I also, as previously established on this blog, have a death wish.
To me, that encapsulates everything about the violence, especially sexual violence, coded into relationships between men and women in our society: for a woman to assert herself in the face of maleness may require the woman in question (such as me) to be perpetually suicidal.
Reblogging for commentary. I have been frightened and scared by men being loud with me, even if I don’t think they’ll be violent. Like people have said above, it’s just a latent response in your brain to fear violence from men.
I went out to dinner with someone a couple of weeks ago (LONG story, was supposed to be a group dinner but it ended up just being me & a strange man) and I told him I blogged about feminism and politics, and he went off on me. He told me feelings were bullshit and women just wanted special privileges, and then he said, “Women don’t give men enough credit for not being violent psychopaths. That’s what we are, deep down. We want to rape and pillage, and we don’t, and women don’t give us enough credit for that.” I burst into tears. That shit was terrifying.
I too am reblogging this for the amazing commentary.
When supposed feminist ally men deny this very basic, simple truth - that’s how you know they are an ally to no one.
This all gets taught to women at a very young age, how dangerous the world is when you’re in it being a woman. I’ve been struggling to write about something that happened with my daughter a few weeks ago, how to form the words, but this is possibly the best context.
We were in the wine shop, in line to pay, and she was so excited to get her lollipop (in the time honored tradition of wine stores everywhere). A man two people ahead of us started fighting with the woman behind the counter about how much money he’d given her. As I was moving her behind my body, my daughter froze, and when I say froze, I mean wasn’t moving a muscle except to shake.
It sorted itself out pretty quickly. We paid and left.
Once we got back into the car, she started crying. I asked her what was the matter, and she said, “Mama, I was so scared. When men get angry they shoot people.”
That’s a direct quote. When men get angry, they shoot people.
I asked her, “Baby, why do you think that?” She replied, “on NPR, that’s what happens. When men get really mad they kill people. That guy was really mad, what if he had a gun? What would you do?”
The talk we had afterwards was difficult; no one said parenting was easy. But this is the life we live as women. If my 9 year old understands it, then men of the world, alleged feminist allies, Nice Guys, random douches on the street, and even actual non-dangerous men: so can you.
I’ve reblogged this quote before, I think. But reblogging now for the amazing commentary.
I was having a discussion with my father and brother the other day. We were talking about receiving threats of rape or violence via the internet. Their whole argument was “just ignore it and walk away from your computer”. Amazing solution. Can’t believe I never thought of that. It’s so clever because we all know that when you leave your keyboard the threat of violence disappears.
I feel like this should be obvious. But every time I see someone say “yes means yes; no means no” I cringe a little. Consent isn’t always that simple.
[Trigger warning: sexual assault, rape, rape culture, rape apologia, victim-blaming, etc.]
Well, I refuse to have had it, because I will not be frustrated out of what little I can do from here to support survivors at my alma mater, but holy CRAP, I am so tired of all the bullshit in people’s comments on the online newspaper.
I’m paraphrasing and sometimes applying an interpretation that is not composed of their exact words, but these are pretty accurate.
“If it was really rape, why not go to the police?”
“What do these girls want?”
“Oh my god, these people just want attention!”
“What about how much they’ve had to drink, if they know people, etc.?”
“Shouldn’t they be required to go through reliving everything and all of the victim-blaming and the stigma and backlash by going to the police?”
“This makes our school look bad, waaaaa!”
“But what about teh menz?!!!!” (Referring to accused rapists—I’m 100% behind inclusive conversations about sexual assault that address male survivors.)
If you at least skim through, you get a pretty gif at the end! But seriously, this is important.
A group of students filed a federal complaint Thursday against Swarthmore College in Pennsylvania that claims the private liberal arts school is underreporting sexual violence on campus and discourages victims from reporting.
The complaint comes after Swarthmore announced it was launching an external review of its sexual assault policies.
Ferguson said it took her months simply to get an anonymous log of her assault after she reported it to resident advisers and administrators, which she believes suggests that staff members who are supposed to report sexual assaults either didn’t understand the Clery Act requirements or ignored them. Ferguson added that she feels the school’s claim to be supportive of victims is inaccurate, but “desirous.”
The college was also recently embroiled in a controversy over a campus referendum on whether or not fraternities and sororities should remain at the college. It escalated when students began chalking reasons to vote to remove Greeks that included accusations that fraternities harbored “serial rapists,” according to Swarthmore sophomore Hope Brinn. The chalkings were later erased, but anonymous op-eds in the student newspaper, the Daily Gazette, also included claims that students had been raped by fraternity members.
Students voted down the referendum to remove Greek houses.
Last week, Chopp sent out an email to students in which she addressed the rape accusations against the fraternities, saying “sharp and targeted anonymous postings (of any kind, posted anywhere) are antithetical to building a community of trust.”
…[Brinn] said that certain students felt that the school was more concerned about the word “rape” than the act itself. Over the last week, a group of students worked to put together a Clery Act complaint with help from Annie Clark and Andrea Pino, who were among the group that filed a similar complaint against the University of North Carolina earlier this year.
“Ultimately, the goal is not to throw the college under the bus [and] not to destroy the reputation,” Brinn said. “We, as students, love Swarthmore. That’s why we’re pushing for change, because everyone deserves to feel safe and validated.”
I don’t know the students quoted in the article, and I don’t know if I know any of the other ten students involved in this complaint, but I have to say: I am so proud of these Swatties who are doing something difficult for which they are sure to get tons of shit in order to seek justice and better the community.
All too often during my time at Swarthmore (and since graduating), I’ve heard or read in comments online the idea that “things like that don’t happen at Swarthmore”. Because we’re so enlightened, or something. And while I think it’s probably true that Swarthmore is kind of a special place, people too easily dismiss that it is a PLACE in the WORLD, and the world is sometimes really not pretty.
And when you deny that bad things can happen, you really just sweep bad things under the rug, and so they don’t get addressed.
So I am generally very excited about all of the talk and reporting happening in the Swarthmore Community about rape culture and Greek life, and everyone working on these issues is kind of amazing.