Climactic Splashes

“…she stopped paying close attention to his words and when at red lights, examined the rain drops spattering on the windshield so intently that she almost stared right through them. Each drop seemed stuck on the glass, until another drop landed on it and they rolled down the window together, ending in a climactic splash.”

Sara: feminism and more.

Teachers are often unaware of the gender distribution of talk in their classrooms. They usually consider that they give equal amounts of attention to girls and boys, and it is only when they make a tape recording that they realize that boys are dominating the interactions. Dale Spender, an Australian feminist who has been a strong advocate of female rights in this area, noted that teachers who tried to restore the balance by deliberately ‘favouring’ the girls were astounded to find that despite their efforts they continued to devote more time to the boys in their classrooms. Another study reported that a male science teacher who managed to create an atmosphere in which girls and boys contributed more equally to discussion felt that he was devoting 90 per cent of his attention to the girls. And so did his male pupils. They complained vociferously that the girls were getting too much talking time.

In other public contexts, too, such as seminars and debates, when women and men are deliberately given an equal amount of the highly valued talking time, there is often a perception that they are getting more than their fair share. Dale Spender explains this as follows:

“The talkativeness of women has been gauged in comparison not with men but with silence. Women have not been judged on the grounds of whether they talk more than men, but of whether they talk more than silent women.”

In other words, if women talk at all, this may be perceived as ‘too much’ by men who expect them to provide a silent, decorative background in many social contexts.

  #AGREED    #ALWAYS REBLOG    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #FEMINISM    #SPEECH    #FREE SPEECH    #IMPLICT BIAS    #GENDER BIAS    #sexism    #misogyny    #representation    #language    #public life    #education  
Millennials may think they’re staying out of financial trouble by forgoing credit cards, but they’re doing a disservice to themselves and their credit scores. The responsible use of credit cards is one of the easiest ways to build a strong credit score, which is essential for qualifying for insurance policies, auto and mortgage loans, and sometimes even a job.

Bankrate.com credit card analyst Jeanine Skowronski, on Millennials shying away from credit cards (via chicagotribune)

Maybe millennials don’t use credit cards because they don’t want to be in massive debt, lols.

(via elizabitchtaylor)

the whole point of her goddamn quote is RESPONSIBLE USE. meaning, you get a credit card, you occasionally put groceries or something on it, you pay the minimum, your credit score stays nice. not to fucking buy a yacht or go on a goddamned shopping spree. maybe millennials aren’t using credit cards because they’re too damn irresponsible to fucking LEARN HOW TO USE THEM. or, I don’t know, comprehend when someone is trying to teach you something and instead responding with a flippant lolz. good god Tumblr, you can be so frustrating. 

No, NOT THE MINIMUM, pay it off IN FULL every single month.

Which means don’t use it for anything you couldn’t alternatively just pay cash for.

Literally just use it as an extra middle step that 1) builds credit because of course you are able to show that you pay things back completely and promptly because you’ve made sure that you’re not spending beyond your cash means, and 2) gives you a little bit more protection in terms of identity theft stuff, especially online, because credit cards usually let you contest stuff more easily.

  #like    #only use it for stuff you would be able to afford EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD    #so that you are definitely able to pay it off in full every single damn month    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #financial advice    #credit cards    #finances    #millennials    #advice    #life    #budgeting    #credit  

This Is What an Abortion Looks Like

"In her memoir, ‘Forgetting to Be Afraid,’ which came out this week, Ms. Davis writes about the two wanted pregnancies she terminated. The first abortion ended a life-threatening ectopic pregnancy….The second pregnancy ended in the second trimester because the fetus had an acute brain abnormality.

Abortions like these represent the basic currency of the debate. These are the stories used to teach us the value of abortion, and the standard against which all other abortion stories must be gauged. By repeating only the gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, terrifying abortion stories, we protect a lie: that abortion isn’t normal. We have learned to think of abortion with shame and fear. We have accepted the damaging idea that a person who wants an abortion must grovel before the consciences of others.

I admire Ms. Davis for having the courage to say the word “abortion” over and over for 11 hours, as she did last year, while filibustering a Texas law that would have restricted access to the procedure. And I deeply respect her for telling her own stories now.

But those stories are not groundbreaking. They are politically safe, because no rational person could be anything but sympathetic and thankful that her experiences are extremely rare.

Abortion itself, however, is not rare.

- Merritt Tierce for the New York Times

Definitely read the whole thing, it so succinctly and with a subtle gentleness that hides an underlying firmness makes the case for backing off from using only particular stories of abortion to make the case for reproductive rights. It’s an excellent description in much nicer language of the oldie but goodie “abortion on demand and without apology”.

  #not reblogged    #text    #quote    #link    #merritt tierce    #abortion    #abortion rights    #abortion access    #reproductive justice    #reproductive rights    #reproductive health    #sexism    #misogyny    #body policing    #wendy davis    #the new york times    #who are we to judge    #so piss off    #gif  
I think if we cast a white man to play Shadow we would be the biggest assholes on television.

 Bryan Fuller - [link] (via jmcniel)

This is regarding the American Gods TV adaptation. So, that’s somewhat encouraging.

(via whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome)

  #ZING    #accurate    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #representation    #racism    #whitewashing    #neil gaiman    #bryan fuller    #american gods    #television  

In a study of children aged 2-5, parents interrupted their daughters more than their sons, and fathers were more likely to talk simultaneously with their children than mothers were. Jennifer Coates says: “It seems that fathers try to control conversation more than mothers… and both parents try to control conversation more with daughters than with sons. The implicit message to girls is that they are more interruptible and that their right to speak is less than that of boys.”

Girls and boys’ differing understanding of when to talk, when to be quiet, what is polite and so on, has a visible impact on the dynamics of the classroom. Just as men dominate the floor in business meetings, academic conferences and so on, so little boys dominate in the classroom - and little girls let them.

X  (via albinwonderland)

Working with children for over a decade, this is something I’ve noticed, actually. And for the majority, the little girls in my class and my co-worker’s classes all sit quietly and listen MUCH better than the boys do. Most boys don’t care to be quiet and sit still. And I don’t think this is an attribute of boys being “rowdier” or more “hyper” - believe me, the girls are JUST as off the wall as the boys if you aren’t telling them not to. It must be a learned behavior, and it must be enforced more with the girls so they know they can’t get away with it. You have no idea how many times in my career I’ve heard “boys will be boys,” and smiling parents as they tell me with a laugh, sorry, their son is “wild” and a “handful” as they introduce him to the class.

(via voicelikehelvetica)

And that’s how you do sexism.  That’s how it’s so effectively trained into every single citizen and indoctrinated as normal and right.

(via waltzy)

  #pretty sure i've reblovved this before    #but i can't be said enough    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #sexism    #misogyny    #parenting    #education  



Terry Crews gets it. Amen!


  #fucking THIS    #yes yes yes    #accurate    #reblogged    #photo    #photoset    #twitter    #quote    #tweets    #terry crews    #violence against women    #sexism    #misogyny    #domestic violence    #football    #nfl  
You guys know about vampires? … You know, vampires have no reflections in a mirror? There’s this idea that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. And what I’ve always thought isn’t that monsters don’t have reflections in a mirror. It’s that if you want to make a human being into a monster, deny them, at the cultural level, any reflection of themselves. And growing up, I felt like a monster in some ways. I didn’t see myself reflected at all.

Junot Díaz on race and representation in media (via medievalpoc)

This quote also applies to STEM fields and representation.

(via old-woman-josie)
  #mind blown    #fantasticly put    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #representation    #stem    #media    #entertainment    #junot díaz  

Article about Book Destigmatizing Breasts Filtered Out for Showing… Breasts



The piece below was published in The Guardian today by Ruth Lewy.  Facebook is barring shares using the Guardian links. They are reviewing the problem, but until then I’m posting this here for Laura, the creator of the project, as an alternative link so that it can be shared. 

 These interviews are edited excerpts from Laura Dodsworth’s project Bare Reality. She is fundraising for a book of the project; visit kickstarter.com and search for Bare Reality.


United front: breasts without the airbrush

The shocking thing about Laura Dodsworth’s pictures of 100 women’s breasts isn’t the flesh on show, or the many shapes and sizes, but the realisation that images of unairbrushed, non-uniform breasts seem to be so rare. “We see images of breasts everywhere,” says the 41-year-old photographer, “but they’re unreal. They create an unflattering comparison but also an unobtainable ideal. I wanted to rehumanise women through honest photography.”

Dodsworth interviewed each woman at length, starting by asking them how they felt about their breasts. The interviews soon became more emotional than she anticipated. “I found that, while breasts are interesting in themselves, they are also catalysts for discussing relationships, body image and ageing. I realised that this had become an exploration of what it means to be a woman.” She is fundraising, via Kickstarter, to make a book of the project.

Her subjects range in age from 19 to 101, and include a priest, a lapdancer, cancer survivors and women who have had surgery. The absolute anonymity she granted her subjects elicited honest interviews, ranging from the beautiful through the mundane to the painful. Many women cried. Dodsworth herself experienced catharsis: “One thing that surprised me was that the way I felt about my breasts changed. I felt more in touch with them and they became more erogenous.”

Dodsworth also took part, but will not be anonymous, which she found difficult. “One male friend said that I couldn’t do it because my husband’s business partners would see, and one asked how my sons would feel when they grow up [they are seven and nine]. But both arguments were about the men in my life, and I thought they weren’t reason enough to stop me as an artist, a woman and a feminist.”

The impact of all 100 images together is quite mesmerising. Indeed, when she showed her husband he was struck dumb. His first words were, “But they just don’t look like the magazines.” For Dodsworth, that underlined the impact of her work: “I feel that just looking at the pictures alone will change how people feel about breasts.” Ruth Lewy

Age: 40. Children: one

'I've got a great pair of melons'


I adore my breasts. I think they’re fantastic. I’ve got a great pair of melons! I like that they are perky, and that one is bigger than the other. Last weekend I realised with horror that they were beginning to sag slightly. I wonder if it’s because I’ve lost weight, or could it just be age-related? Now they’re touching my stomach, and I don’t like that feeling.

I would have liked to breastfeed, but I didn’t produce enough milk. I had to mix bottle and breast. The electric milk extractors in hospital are literally like cow’s milking machines. You attach one to each breast, and it’s painful. One of my most poignant memories is doing that while fireworks went off on New Year’s Eve. I felt devastated.

I’ve been single for three years, and I think, “Shit! What will a partner think of them? They didn’t see them when they were perky and gorgeous.” I had a seven-year relationship with a man, then a seven-year relationship with a woman. I think a lesbian might judge breasts the same way as a man, but it would depend whether or not she’d had children.

A woman I dated had been very big and lost weight so dramatically that her boobs sagged to her belly button. But it didn’t matter, because I fancied the pants off her. Sex is sex, and you can have great sex regardless of what they look like. My boobs are important in a sexual relationship.

I was your average Asian girl in the 70s. I had a strict upbringing and no friends outside the family unit. Then I got a white boyfriend, and started wearing jeans and showing off my figure. I look back at pictures now, and I was stunning. I’ve got brown skin and no wrinkles – Asian skin doesn’t age as much. My breasts are getting looser around the nipples, the skin is thinning and the elasticity’s going. The rest of my body doesn’t seem to have that. I don’t mind ageing.

It wouldn’t be appropriate to wear a low-cut dress to work, but I might wear a well-cut shirt. Sometimes I change at the end of the evening, even for a short walk home. I don’t want men to look, and I don’t want to feel unsafe. I should be able to wear a beautiful dress with my boobs showing, but I won’t. What that says about society is tragic.

Age: 21. Children: none


'Conversations with my mum about weight started at a very early age'

'I did notice that men looked at me differently after my breasts grew'

I like my breasts; they’re quite big and not too saggy. They’re not the best pair I have ever seen, or the worst. My dad is Turkish and Muslim, and my mum is Jewish. I’m an atheist, but I have this weird ethnic mix. If I am with my Muslim grandparents, I do think about what I am wearing.

Some of my biggest arguments with my mum have been about my weight. She says she has struggled with her weight and the way she looks all her life, and she doesn’t want me to go through that. If she thinks I have potential, she will push me, and I respect that. She just thinks if I looked after my weight more, I would look better.

I think what Page 3 does is very damaging to young women. It’s like: “This is the benchmark; this is what men find attractive. I don’t look like this; therefore I can’t be attractive to men.” It affects our perception of beauty, and makes young women think they are valued for their sexuality, and not for their thoughts and actions.

I did notice that men looked at me differently after my breasts grew. At uni, I found myself having more casual sex than I ever thought I would. It was almost as if I felt grateful that people found me attractive, which is ridiculous.

In my first year I was part of a very laddish sports club, and there was a lot of pressure to conform. I ended up sleeping with half of them. I haven’t had a boyfriend. I sometimes think that’s abnormal. I do want one, but I wouldn’t have achieved the things I’ve achieved if I’d had a relationship. At the end of a night recently, I was kissing a male friend, whom I have slept with a couple of times, but I told him I just wanted to go home. I said, “I know it’s happened before, but I don’t want to.” He basically forced me to give him head. It was pretty horrendous. That was a guy I thought I had a good relationship with. Halfway through, I managed to stop him. We were both horrendously drunk, which doesn’t help. He says he doesn’t remember it. It still upsets me. I never say I was a rape victim. I think a lot of young women accept that sort of behaviour, because our attitudes to consent are blurred. It makes me feel sick thinking about it. It’s affected me more profoundly than I thought it could.

Age: 33. Children: two


'God gives life and creates, and as a woman you can connect with that'

'The church has had a lot to do with women feeling negative about their bodies'

My breasts are smaller than they were a couple of months ago. I stopped breastfeeding my daughter when she turned one. I’m not sad about it, but the clothes I wear have changed. Things that looked nice before are baggy now. In my role as a priest, I have to wear clerical shirts, which come right up to the neck. On maternity leave I quite enjoyed wearing lower-cut tops in conjunction with bigger boobs. It was nice to get a suntan on my chest and feel a bit more feminine.

The way the clergy dress is partly to diminish our individuality. The priest is vulnerable to quite a lot of projections and transference, because we hold a particular emotionally loaded position; we deal with inner worlds and spirituality.

I feel completely comfortable breastfeeding in church and I encourage other mothers to do so. In the Eucharist service, there is a prayer at which the bread and the wine are offered to God and made holy. The words of Jesus are said during that prayer, about the bread: “This is my body, broken for you; do this in remembrance of me.” And the wine, “This is my blood, given for you.” As I was breastfeeding my baby at that time, the image of Jesus feeding his friends at the last supper, and then the church for generations and generations, had a profound resonance for me 

I have found that quite sustaining when I have been trying to work out the spirituality of being both a mum and a priest, and how those significant things fit together in my life. Both roles require availability to the people you care for. I’ve had to work out how to share myself between the two things.

The Christian church has had a lot to do with women feeling negative about their bodies and ashamed of their sexuality. I think men are probably quite afraid of women’s power to bring forth life and feed their babies. That’s probably part of the reason women have been oppressed and made to feel ashamed.

I encourage women to feel comfortable in church, and I’ve led by example. Baring my breasts in my own church [for this picture] wasn’t something I imagined I would be doing. It doesn’t sit uncomfortably with me, though: it’s natural and important, not remotely embarrassing.

Age: 19. Children: none

'Boys seemed angry with me for getting rid of something they admired


 ’All through school, I was known as “that one with the big breasts” ‘

Before I had my reduction surgery, I felt a mixture of distaste and shame towards my breasts. I had a lot of physical problems, which were the main reasons I had the reduction. They ended up taking 2kg of fat from my breasts. 

I feel much better about them now. I used to sweat more, and I was embarrassed because I thought I smelled. I used to get very bad back problems. There would be times it would take ages to get out of bed or, if I’d been sitting for a while, I would get pain in my lower spine. I still have deep grooves on my shoulders from my bras.

I’ve gone down about six cup sizes. I’m now a DD. That was the most I was able to have taken off without it looking disproportionate to my shape. I’ve always had a broader figure than other girls, sadly, much as I’ve always wanted to be petite. If I could choose any body shape, I would be 5ft 3in, very petite, and preferably a lot smaller in the chest. A lot of my friends when I was growing up were smaller, and everyone thought they were pretty and cute. I’m not tall and beautiful, and I’m not small and cute.

I used to get very venomous looks from girls in the changing rooms at school when we had PE. Some girls thought that I must have had surgery to enhance them. I was a 34GG. Occasionally I’d get rude and suggestive comments from boys, but I used to have more problems with them staring. It made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I felt it was how people defined me. All through high school and college, I was known as “that one with the big breasts”. The breasts were all most people saw when they looked at me.

When I first told people I was having a reduction, the reactions from girls and boys were completely different. My very best friend was more excited than I was. She knew how much it affected me and how upset I was about it. She was really supportive. Boys were the ones I had more problems with. They said things like, “How could you do that? That’s like slapping God in the face”, and, “How could you get rid of them? They’re amazing!” It was as if boys were angry with me for getting rid of something they admired.

 I’m asexual, and don’t have a partner. I haven’t had intercourse, although there have been times when I’ve got close to foreplay. I’ve had sensations in my breasts when I’ve been with someone, but it hasn’t been arousal. I would say my breasts were sensitive and I get some feeling from them, but it hasn’t encouraged me to go further. Because I had a bilateral reduction, in which the nipple is moved to put it in the right place, I’ve lost nearly all sensitivity.

The surgery lasted for about four hours. They remove a triangular sandwich of fat, bring the parts together, then move the nipple so it’s in proportion to the newly reduced breast. The scarring is fading very quickly. It’s not red or irritated, as it it was. It will probably be almost fully healed in a couple of years.

I used to have to order bras from specialist websites. I couldn’t wear strapless bras or dresses. I look at going clothes-shopping completely differently now. I can buy pretty underwear – it’s wonderful. Though lots of companies make petite ranges, there are only a few that make anything specifically for busty women. My best friend took me shopping for bras after my surgery. She turned around to me and said, “I want you to see this, it will make you really happy.” She had found one of my old size bras and was wearing one of the cups on her head, and she said, “Look how small you are now, compared with this!” I felt so happy seeing that, knowing just how far I had come. It was hard work carrying all that around.

Age: 101. Children: one

'I would never have gone topless, even in my younger days'


'I fell over last week – that's why I have a bruise'

My daughter was born a week before Hitler marched in, and my milk went. It was the shock. We were Jewish. I intended to breastfeed her, but in the end she grew very well without it.

My husband was taken on Kristallnacht. He had gone out, against my advice. The authorities wanted me out of my flat. I went to the SS headquarters and told them in no uncertain terms what I thought of them: “I’m not going to leave my flat and you can kiss my arse!” Maybe it was foolish, but attack is the best defence. My husband was in Dachau and somehow I had to get him out. My husband’s boss was an ex-Nazi, but he was a very nice man, and fond of us. I asked him what to do, and he said, “Go to the Gestapo.” I thought that was a good idea. My parents said I couldn’t, but I said, “I’m not afraid of the Devil! If it helps, I will do it.” I rang up and made an appointment.

I saw a middle-aged man and we got talking. After half an hour, he had to go, but he said, “I promise I will get your husband out, in three weeks, but I want something from you.” I thought I knew what he wanted, but I said, “Oh, what can I do for you?” “I want you to visit me twice a week. I love talking to you.” I was quite prepared for anything. What’s my little thing, if it means getting him out? It’s unimportant. But the man really did only want to talk. And after three weeks, to the day, my husband came home.

We came to England as refugees with no money, so we had to start from the bottom, with a one-year-old child. I began as a secretary and worked in the rag trade in a showroom in the West End.

When I was 52, I had a lump in my breast. I’d had a hysterectomy four years earlier, but there was nothing there; it was benign. This time I thought it would be cancer. In those days, they did not take a biopsy: if there was a lump, the whole breast was removed – that was standard. It was benign and I didn’t need the radio treatment I’d been about to start.

I said to my husband, “Do you mind having a wife with only one breast?” He said, “Would you mind if I lost a leg?” I said, “Of course not!” “So there you go.” We talked about everything, and that is why we had 52 happy years.

My breasts were erogenous. My husband and I had a very good sexual relationship, as well as the friendship. Nothing changed after the mastectomy – our sex life didn’t change until my husband had an operation for his prostate. I consider I was blessed: 52 years, how many people are blessed with that? Not many.

I fell over last week – that’s why I have a bruise. It hurts. But it’ll go. The last time I fell over was more than a year ago. I don’t use a stick yet.

When my nipple suddenly became inverted about 10 years ago, I went to the clinic to have it examined. I know it is a sign of cancer, but it can also be a sign of old age. It doesn’t bother me.

I was conscious of the mastectomy and wouldn’t have exposed my chest. I would never have gone topless anyway, never, even in my younger days. Don’t forget, I was born in 1912.

My breasts were always small, and I didn’t consider myself very good-looking, but I was vivacious and always had lots of friends and boyfriends.

My body didn’t bother me.

  #breasts y'all    #reblogged    #text    #feminism    #laura dodsworth    #barereality    #breasts    #boobs    #destigmatization    #body policing    #body shaming    #link    #quote  



Deconstructing Masculinity & Manhood with Michael Kimmel @ Dartmouth College


You know what I like, and feel is so important? That he doesn’t say “Men thinks those are THEIR positions”. He says “We think those are OUR positions.”

As a male feminist, he still doesn’t exclude himself from the group of men.



  #WELL PUT SIR    #accurate    #what a badass    #photo    #photoset    #gif    #gifs    #text    #link    #quote    #sexism    #misogyny    #racism    #white privilege    #male privilege    #allies    #affirmative action    #job market    #employment    #history    #reblogged    #michael kimmel  
I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.
L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables   (via electric-daisy-forest)
  #reblogged    #quote    #text    #yesssss    #accurate    #l.m. montgomery    #anne of green gables    #fall    #autumn    #october    #lit    #literature  
Now, these incidents are part of our collective memory and the living reality for black people in America. They are the cornerstones of the mistrust and weariness and suspicion that underlie the protests in Ferguson- protests that have been met with curfews and riot gear and tear gas and military-grade weaponry. The question may not be, ‘Why don’t the people trust the police?’ The question may be, ‘Why would they?’
Melissa Harris-Perry, talking about the history of police violence against black men
  #reblogged    #quote    #text    #Melissa Harris-Perry    #MHP show    #police brutality    #racism  
I guess
I disagree with you but ill let you have this one because I don’t feel like debating anymore with your simple ass (via monitormylife)
  #bingo    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #life  
Vaccines protect the health of children in the United States so well that most parents today have never seen first-hand the devastating consequences of diseases now stopped by vaccines
  #important    #accurate    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #link    #cdc    #centers for disease control    #vaccines    #vaccination    #autism    #anti-vax    #medicine    #health    #healthcare    #preventive healthcare    #public health  
Potter has done too much for me for me to ever want to shit all over it. I’m never going to say: ‘Don’t ask me questions about that’. I remember reading an interview with Robert Smith from The Cure. Somebody said to him: ‘Why do you still wear all that makeup, don’t you feel a bit past it?’ And he said: ‘There are still 14-year-olds coming to see The Cure for the first time, dressed like that. I’d never want to make them feel silly.’ It’s a similar thing with Potter. People are still discovering those books and films. It would be awful for them to find out the people involved had turned their backs on it. Though sometimes, people do come up and say ‘I loved you in The Woman in Black,’ which is really sweet. That’s them knowing that it matters to me that I’ve done other stuff.
Daniel Radcliffe for London Magazine (x)

#what a right thinking human he has turned out to be

  #reblogged    #quote    #text    #daniel radcliffe    #harry potter    #a plus young man    #fandom  
You can’t say “I don’t do politics”, because silence is a political statement.
Tariq Ramadan (via uniteforpalestine)
  #zing    #now go run for office    #reblogged    #quote    #text    #tariq ramadan    #politics    #silence