anyway, whatever i guess.
me, probably, about some complex personal emotional problem (via geeses
Holy shit this is my life.
when i find myself in times of trouble, remus lupin comes to me speaking words of wisdom
Guys, I’m a little bit off today. Cute things and heroic children on my dash are making me tear up.
I mean, I generally cry very easily, but this is ridiculous.
What I want to talk about is how emotional outbursts typically more associated with men (shouting, expressing anger openly) are given a pass in public discourse in a way that emotional outbursts typically more associated with women (crying, “getting upset”) are stigmatized. I wish to dispel the notion that women are “more emotional.” I don’t think we are. I think that the emotions women stereotypically express are what men call “emotions,” and the emotions that men typically express are somehow considered by men to be something else. This is incorrect. Anger? EMOTION. Hate? EMOTION. Resorting to violence? EMOTIONAL OUTBURST. An irrational need to be correct when all the evidence is against you? Pretty sure that’s an emotion. Resorting to shouting really loudly when you don’t like the other person’s point of view? That’s called “being too emotional to engage in a rational discussion.” Not only do I think men are at least as emotional as women, I think that these stereotypically male emotions are more damaging to rational dialogue than are stereotypically female emotions. A hurt, crying person can still listen, think, and speak. A shouting, angry person? That person is crapping all over meaningful discourse.
Bullish Life: When Men Get Too Emotional To Have A Rational Argument (via introvertedactivist) (via vomohiper)
The number of times I have been told to “grow a backbone” for crying/getting upset? Thousands.
I can’t recall being told something like that, but I do always feel crippling embarrassment and guilt around being visibly upset and/or crying in a way that I don’t for the emotions/displays associated with men.
And I mean, there are times when any particular emotional display might be inappropriate or overblown in ways that really should be embarrassing, but things like anger tend to often happen in ways that are traceable to acceptable reasons, while crying all too often gets written off as always unnecessary and overblown. Let’s not forget that crying is a totally normal response for tons of things and be a really useful expression, if only for catharsis.
Here’s the score:
between all the senior week activities, between being an emotional wreck, between trying to do all the senior week activities while being an emotional wreck, and between getting only about half the sleep I need thanks to mechanical thunking from the basement shaking my room, time for tumblr is going to be rare and short, unfortunately.
I should be back at full speed in about a week, though.
In which I got terrible sleep and now feel like shit:
Women are expected to be nice and sweet, to make other people feel comfortable. A woman who says ‘hey, I think there’s a problem here’ is being ‘negative.’ A woman who doesn’t smile while she’s being harassed is ‘humourless.’ A woman who prefers to stay focused on tasks is a ‘cold bitch.’ Significant gendering is involved here; women have an obligation to look and act a certain way and when they don’t, they need to be hassled until they do.
When something that is very small and which should be easy to shrug off becomes enormous and difficult due to its emotional contexts and connections such that it becomes impossible to figure out a way to actually talk about it or do anything about it without sounding petty and stupid.
Result: lost it and had to collect myself before seminar yesterday, pulled myself together so that I did not lose it during lunch, only to lose it several times during the second hour of my work shift this afternoon so that I had to constantly collect myself and be frustrated that Pandora kept playing sad songs at exactly the wrong moment.
As a society, we encourage girls and women to be emotionally accessible, and in touch with their feelings; we say that it’s an innately feminine trait. We say it, that is, until they have feelings that make us uncomfortable, at which point we recast them as melodramatic harpies, shrieking banshees, and basket cases.
From an early age, boys are fitted with emotional straight-jackets tailored by a restricted code of behavior that falsely defines masculinity. In the context of “stop crying,” “stop those emotions,” and “don’t be a sissy,” we define what it means to “Be a Man!” Adherence to this “boy code” leaves many men dissociated from their feelings and incapable of accessing, naming, sharing, or accepting many of their emotions. When men don’t understand their own emotions it becomes impossible to understand the feelings of another. This creates an “empathy-deficit disorder” that is foundational to America’s epidemic of bullying, dating abuse and gender violence. Boys are taught to be tough, independent, distrusting of other males, and at all cost to avoid anything considered feminine for fear of being associated with women. This leads many men to renounce their common humanity with women so as to experience an emotional disconnect from them. Women often become objects, used to either validate masculine insecurity or satisfy physical needs. When the validation and satisfaction ends, or is infused with anger, control or alcohol, gender violence is often the result.
Joe Ehrmann, former NFL player, from “Men Can Stop Rape”